then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
