how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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