the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
whose parrot is this?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
