I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Im just a social blackout drinker.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
