Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
