No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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