I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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