I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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