I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
