I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
