is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
