We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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