and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
