Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
