You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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