My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
