Already got asked if we're dating
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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