yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
