I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
