I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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