That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
