I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
