I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
