you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
