I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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