Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
