i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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