It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
