i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
