I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
