White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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