first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
