I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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