i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
