After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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