your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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