Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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