Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
