You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
