Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
