i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
