Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
