it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
