Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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