maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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