We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my poor anus
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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