remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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