I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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