If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
