god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
