dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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