I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
