she woke up with a sticky ear
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
