according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
